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Life after losing a toddler

Life after losing a toddler

The raw and real feelings of a grieving mother after the unexpected loss of her 3 year old.

  • Home
  • Introduction
  • The memories
  • The sadness never ends
  • Social anxiety
  • Stormy day
  • Memory posts continue..
  • Having Faith
  • Ongoing pit in your stomach
  • Holiday reality
  • Floating Through Life
  • How can I relax
  • Meaning behind a smile
  • The fear of losing a child
  • The meaning of happiness
  • Grief Retreat
  • Family time
  • I miss you
  • Trying to escape
  • Six month blues
  • Unmeasurable pain
  • Will I ever be ok?
  • The struggle is raw
  • Behind losing my son
  • Inability to feel love within grief
  • Guilt in grief…
  • Like a tornado
  • Like a tornado
  • Summer blues
  • Home
  • Introduction
  • The memories
  • The sadness never ends
  • Social anxiety
  • Stormy day
  • Memory posts continue..
  • Having Faith
  • Ongoing pit in your stomach
  • Holiday reality
  • Floating Through Life
  • How can I relax
  • Meaning behind a smile
  • The fear of losing a child
  • The meaning of happiness
  • Grief Retreat
  • Family time
  • I miss you
  • Trying to escape
  • Six month blues
  • Unmeasurable pain
  • Will I ever be ok?
  • The struggle is raw
  • Behind losing my son
  • Inability to feel love within grief
  • Guilt in grief…
  • Like a tornado
  • Like a tornado
  • Summer blues

Author Archives: jonnysmom

Summer blues

Here we are….what is supposed to be the weekend we’ve all been waiting for. The break of shitty weather; the sun shining; the feeling of summer. I would wake up to Jonny aggressively opening the shades to tell me what the day looked like. “ mama it’s sunny out” he would say with this joyContinue reading “Summer blues”

Posted byjonnysmomMay 13, 2022May 13, 2022Posted inUncategorized1 Comment on Summer blues

Like a tornado

Today I finally pulled into Nelson Park. A place I often took the boys and the place I would meet my parents after a long day of work. As I pulled in; the vision of them spotting my car and running screaming “mama”like they hadn’t seen me in years yet it had only been hoursContinue reading “Like a tornado”

Posted byjonnysmomApril 20, 2022April 20, 2022Posted inUncategorizedLeave a comment on Like a tornado

Guilt in grief…

I spoke to my therapist this week about the different degrees of guilt I feel being a mother to a child here on earth and one in heaven. Just writing that bring so many tears. It NEVER gets easier to say. I often say that I write my feelings because saying them out loud isContinue reading “Guilt in grief…”

Posted byjonnysmomApril 6, 2022Posted inUncategorizedLeave a comment on Guilt in grief…

Inability to feel love within grief

“Is it better to have loved and lost or not loved at all?” This is the question I’ve been asking myself lately. I recently told my husband that if I knew this was my path; I wouldn’t of had children at all. He then said “ but then we wouldn’t have Bobby or of knownContinue reading “Inability to feel love within grief”

Posted byjonnysmomMarch 18, 2022March 18, 2022Posted inUncategorizedLeave a comment on Inability to feel love within grief

Behind losing my son

Lately I have been digging deep into my pain and what lies behind the death of my son. The obvious being that he was a baby just 3.9 years old. He was healthy, full of life, and it was totally unexpected. But what people don’t realize is before losing him to death; there was soContinue reading “Behind losing my son”

Posted byjonnysmomMarch 2, 2022March 3, 2022Posted inUncategorizedLeave a comment on Behind losing my son

The struggle is raw

It’s been a while since I last posted; honestly I haven’t been able to muster up the energy to listen to my thoughts and move my fingers. I’m exhausted. Like unbelievably exhausted. This life of grieving is terrible; it sucks any life out of you that you have left after your child is taken fromContinue reading “The struggle is raw”

Posted byjonnysmomFebruary 17, 2022February 17, 2022Posted inUncategorizedLeave a comment on The struggle is raw

Will I ever be ok?

The last couple months have been the loneliest yet. I’ve never had so much love but felt so empty. People keep saying I still have a husband and son that need me. I know I love them but somehow I still feel nothing. Perhaps it’s my heart protecting itself. All I care about is myContinue reading “Will I ever be ok?”

Posted byjonnysmomFebruary 1, 2022Posted inUncategorized2 Comments on Will I ever be ok?

Unmeasurable pain

When I try to explain the feeling inside my soul there never seems to be the right words. Maybe that’s because there are not actually words that cruel or painful. I find myself feeling so isolated and alone because no matter how I try to put it into words; it never feels quit right. IContinue reading “Unmeasurable pain”

Posted byjonnysmomJanuary 19, 2022January 19, 2022Posted inUncategorizedLeave a comment on Unmeasurable pain

Six month blues

Three days now I’ve been struggling to get out of bed. In the beginning I had an overwhelming amount of anxiety that kept me pacing….I couldn’t stay still in my thoughts and people would say “ I don’t know how you’re out of bed”. Here I am…almost 6 months into my after and I’m hurtingContinue reading “Six month blues”

Posted byjonnysmomJanuary 15, 2022Posted inUncategorizedLeave a comment on Six month blues

Trying to escape

The hardest part of this grief is that it NEVER stops. You can run….you can change scenery….but right there in the forefront of your being is that child you are yearning for. I often say; I just want one moment of peace. One moment where I feel hole again. I often dream of the lifeContinue reading “Trying to escape”

Posted byjonnysmomJanuary 9, 2022Posted inUncategorizedLeave a comment on Trying to escape

Posts navigation

1 2 3 Older posts
  • Home
  • Introduction
  • The memories
  • The sadness never ends
  • Social anxiety
  • Stormy day
  • Memory posts continue..
  • Having Faith
  • Ongoing pit in your stomach
  • Holiday reality
  • Floating Through Life
  • How can I relax
  • Meaning behind a smile
  • The fear of losing a child
  • The meaning of happiness
  • Grief Retreat
  • Family time
  • I miss you
  • Trying to escape
  • Six month blues
  • Unmeasurable pain
  • Will I ever be ok?
  • The struggle is raw
  • Behind losing my son
  • Inability to feel love within grief
  • Guilt in grief…
  • Like a tornado
  • Like a tornado
  • Summer blues
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