Social anxiety

Rainy days….man are they harder then ever before. I remember; rainy days with two toddlers was always a challenge. It was most likely filled with me yelling all day because they just couldn’t get along or they would fight over….everything. This morning we sat in silence for hours in what feels like a completely empty house. The silence….the feeling of having no purpose anymore as I’m supposed to have my 4 year old son home with me while I try to social work and be the best support for families in need. I LOVED that hectic life. I took it for granted…I took everything for granted. We were so lucky and I didn’t realize how quickly it can be shattered when you least expect it. If you know me; you know I love people. I love being social and I love interacting with others. I find myself overwhelmed with social anxiety these days. The thought of going into a store scares me. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to face others or if it’s because I know the hurt I have in my eyes and I don’t want to face people with it. I will always have it; and that’s terrifying. I am a shell of the person I once was proud to be. I just want my son back….I want to take him to a park and push him on the swing again. “ higher mama as he would say”. God life is hard.

Published by Jonny’s Mama

Bereaved mother trying to navigate life after losing my son unexpectedly at 3.5 years old.

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